Confessions
by Snowheart
Summary: Yue+Sakura+Rubymoon.....^_^read to find out!^_^
1. Confessions

_Confessions_

_Yue…_

_His beautiful violet eyes seem to shine like glistening pools of silver serene lakes. Forever, those eyes, they never manifest any emotions nor feelings._

_His hair, they flow down all around him like silver snakes encircling him. And he…he was like the snake charmer, enticing the snakes to cling onto him lovingly._

"Rubymoon, what are you contemplating by the window? You aren't so quiet usually." Eriol asked with a degree of concern interlaced with his deep voice. 

_I looked over at Eriol and smiled serenely. He too, smiled back. Such a sweet Master he was. Oh my, how surprised would he be if he should happen to know that I was thinking about Yue at this instant. I shook my head non-chalantly to show him that I was all right and that there was little need for him to worry. He exhibited such a mischievous smile then as if he knew what I was trying to comprehend._

_I glanced out of the tall windows again and watched the sea gulls skim low outside. Twirling a strand of my brown hair around my fingers, I continued with my train of thought._

_There was once when I was holding on tightly to Touya. However, that was because he had the power that I wanted. Yet, Yue was different. It was not his power I craved. It was perhaps his friendship…his love._

_Yet, Yue and I. We would never be together._

_For one thing, our gender was not even clearly defined. Secondly, we were magical beings who were created to protect their own Masters. There was no way love could ever get to stand in the way of this mission._

_And thirdly, Yue liked Touya. There was no way I could interfere in that. It was what would have made Yue the happiest and it would eradicate his loneliness._

_I knew Yue was lonely._

_So was I._

_He and I, we were two lonely souls trying to reach out to those who could help ease the loneliness sequestered in our hearts. That was what drew me to him, even though I never did display such affinity for him at first. I was too busy trying to get Touya's power._

_However, after Yue met Touya, things have since changed. No longer do I see those blue icy orbs of Yue's. Instead, I see them glowing strangely with an intense blue flame. No longer lonely he was…_

_Yet, the equation does not satisfy all. I was still lonely…_

_However, deep within me, I know that as long as Yue is happy, I will be happy._

_And that is the truth._

_Absolutely._

_I will be happy…as long as you are._

_For you I shall pray_

_For you I shall live_

Disclaimer: All characters in this fic are copyright of Clamp. 


	2. Waiting...

_Waiting_

_~ So near and yet so far_   
_ Intricacies of your soul_   
_ Unravel it not I have~_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_I trod along the asphalt pavement lightly, softly humming to myself. It was late, past midnight now, and Eriol would surely be worried if I still do not hurry home. Yet, something innate impedes me. I was in no hurry to go home. I needed time to think, time to introspect._

_The moon, it glows like a heavenly gem set in the vast ebony skies and the stars endowed it with a tinge of gentleness. It looked so beautiful, a perfect picture of tranquillity._

_So much like…Yue._

_I shook my head in an attempt to eradicate all thoughts of him, but was not very successful._

_His beauty…it haunts me._

_Those beautiful cerulean eyes, so much like placid unfathomable seas, that lovely mane of silver hair which swoops gracefully down to his feet, those divine snowy wings which served only to accentuate his magnificence. He was tranquillity manifested in an earthly form; there was no doubt about that._

_Strolling along, it was not very long before I reached a meadow. Strange, I do not recall any memories of ever seeing this meadow. Maybe I had gotten lost?_

_I looked all around me. The sight that greeted me was truly breathtaking for right before me there appears a garden, a gorgeous garden…where the flowers bloomed in a myriad of colors, and where the skies were illuminated by millions of tiny stars, as if to guide the lost. Truly it was a living emerald sea which met the sable sky, indeed a tapestry woven out of only the colors green and black._

_I sighed and rested gently on the grass. It wouldn't hurt to just take a short rest before I find my way home again, would it?_

_Suddenly, I realized I was not alone. I could sense the presence of an intangible power interspersed with the usual natural energies of the universe._

_Someone was there too. Sitting on the edge of a small overhanging cliff nearby on my right._

_Yue…_

_He seemed to be gazing afar, his attention riveted on something in the distance. As quietly as I could, I treaded over to where he was sitting. Looking over the cliff, I see the seas beneath, with their unfathomable depths and a layer of glossy sheen over their surfaces._

_I was about call him but hesitated. Would he want to be disturbed? Well, maybe not, I turned to walk away._

"The skies and the seas, they have not changed, have they?" 

_I spun around, my mahogany colored hair twirling all around me. So he knew I was here…_

"Humans change but the starry skies, the magnificent seas, they have not evolved for the last few thousand years." 

_Why made him say that? Yet, it is an intrinsic characteristic of Yue, he never explains more._

_Strange, but I dare not question him further._

_I sat down on a spot near Yue where I could see him properly. Actually, I have contemplated sitting right next to him but then firmly decided against it. Yes, and that is the feeling I get._

_He is unapproachable._

_A moon, it constituted two sides, the side where the Dark resides, and the other where the Light dominates. The dark side of the moon and the light side of the moon, they are, in every essence, different…_

_Just as Yue was so different from me._

_And for that, I was sad. Why? Just why do I care so much about what he does and thinks?_

"Yue…what are you doing here? And why are you in this form? Yukito will be exhausted." 

_There was silence. A long silence before he spoke._

"I just wanted time alone to think. It is not easy being Yukito and always being around Tou…", Yue stopped hesitantly. 

_I watched Yue closely, trying to ascertain his feelings. It is no easy task. Yue always uses an ice cool façade to mask his true will and emotions. Yet, I was intrigued. Being around Touya was what would have made Yue happy, wouldn't it?_

_I gazed into Yue's azure eyes and realize with a startle what I have not noticed before._

_Jealousy._

_Loneliness._

_Both emotions interweave to form that unspoken sadness in his eyes. Not knowing why again, my heart ached too. Yue's sorrow…it reached out to me and reverberated in my soul. How I wished I could aid him……_

"Touya knows you exist, Yue. I am sure that you too, mean something to him." 

_My, my, to think that I, Rubymoon, was here consoling Yue. I was not mocking him, truly._

"Yukito…Yukito is the most important person in Touya's life." 

_So…Yue…he was indeed still lonely. My, we were more alike than you would have imagined, Yue. Even though I had my Master now, who could ever guarantee that he would never leave me. I am alone. This void in my heart, this emptiness, it punctuates the moments of destitute I have gone through._

_I gazed at the constellations now and realized now what Yue was trying to say earlier. Humans change, they leave us, taking away their love and giving us in return a burden of sadness and forlornness. And we, created as guardians for our Masters, would never die. We have to bear with this solitude for eternity, for as long as the universe exists._

_Clow Reed, he had left Yue. And Touya, he might change too one day._

_It is only the stars that do not evolve._

_Suddenly, I wished so fervently that I was a mortal, I wished that I could experience the emotions humans could encounter, and most of all, I wished I had someone I felt truly secure with._

"Yue, will we die?" 

_Yue looked at me then. It was truly the first time he was looking at me straight in the eyes. I could not help noticing how beautiful he was. His silver tresses were being ruffled by the gentle winds as if a child playing with his toys in pure exuberance. He appeared to be seriously considering my question._

"I will cease to exist should Yukito die. I have channeled my life force into his and thus my life is dependent on his and vice versa. As for you…maybe if you run short of magical power then…" 

"What happens after we die?" 

"We return to become moonlight rays. That is after all how Clow Reed and Eriol created us." 

_His replies…they were so succinct and yet they meant the world to me. At least, I have managed to communicate with him…in a way, our souls have met in the dimension of loneliness._

"I've better get going now. Yukito needs rest." 

_Yue extended his wings and swept his long hair to one side delicately. I was sad to see him go._

"Will you be here tomorrow?" I asked, a trifle timidly. 

_He did not answer me. He merely turned to look at me with an expression I could not really fathom. Yet, it was not dislike. I think he finds it weird as to why I asked him._

"Perhaps." 

With that and a slight bow, Yue left. 

Leaving me alone at the cliff. 

_Yue, I will wait for you then. Even if you might not come, there is still this glowing ember of hope in me._

_I want to know your true self._

_I want to know you._

_For that I will wait…_   


Disclaimer: All characters featured are copyright of Clamp. 

Please read and review.^_^ Cos I wanna see whether I should continue writing this fic.   



	3. Reminiscences

Confessions3

_Reminiscences_   


_The threads of time, they bind me. Memories of a broken past, they haunt me..._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Touya san… 

He invokes strange emotions in me. I experience a kind of warmth I have never known before whenever I am with him. I am actually _excited_ each morning when I arise for the prospect of meeting him instantaneously brightens up my day. 

I draw the window blinds apart now and watched the rays of dazzling sunlight stream in. The wafting scent of sakura flowers lingered in the air and slowly blossomed into a source of revitalization for me. Strange, but I find that I am tired. I stretched myself languorously and proceeded to the door with my book bag. It would never do to be late, and on the first day of term at that! 

I wait at my gate for Touya to come by. The winds rustled my silver hair and subconsciously, I raised my right hand to pat down the unruly strands. Silver hair…a strange hair color to possess, wasn't it? Yet, I could never suffice any explanation to it, like I never knew who my biological parents were. Worst yet, I realize in horror that the "grandparents" that I thought I had were just fragments of my imagination…I was just in a world of my own. 

I had no kin. 

No family I could call my own. 

I had only Touya. 

Only Touya… 

**"Yuki! Let's get going! Sorry I'm late!" **A very familiar voice rings out. It startles me out of my reverie. I look up into that face, those deep set eyes, that raven black hair. 

**"Ohio, Touya."** I smile at him, feeling my heart lighten up. 

He too, grins back at me, but I notice him searching my face intently. 

**"Tired?"**

I shake my head. It wouldn't do to make Touya worry excessively. 

**"By the way, where's Sakura?"**

**"Oh, Kaiiju stormed off to school early this morning."**

I smile again. Though Touya would never admit it, his love for his younger sister was just too apparent in the way he addressed her. Although "Kaiiju" does not sound too flattering at first, it just stemmed from his affection for her. 

It wasn't long before both of us started pedaling to school on our bicycles. The winds, they seem to laugh so happily, ever so often playing with our hair. 

**"Touya kun! Yukito san! Wait for me!" A merry voice calls out happily.**

Touya groans. As for me, I have learnt to accept that Touya was just too popular with girls and that as a good friend, I should be happy for him. 

**"Oh, you both are sure early today!"** Nakuru speeds past us quite easily on her new roller blades, but slows down to match our speed. 

Nakura's russet tresses were now bundled up into several plaints which now flew out behind her as she roller bladed along with the grace of a ballerina. She is smiling as she talks to Touya now and I can see that she really enjoys Touya's company. I feel a twinge of jealousy shooting up my spine but quickly suppress it. After all, who was I to interfere with Touya's life? 

I must admit that indeed, I am a rather possessive person. Although I never show what I truly feel, I actually experience far too many intense emotions sometimes. 

_Loneliness._

It is the one constant emotion that stays, unwaveringly with me. It stabs me sharply like shreds of glass broken from the mirror of reality. Once I had my own fantasy, I had family. This fantasy was smashed to smithereens and I was faced with the cold hard truth of what reality had to offer. 

_I am alone._

Do you ever feel this way? That you are so scared and yet, you have no one to turn to for help? That you are actually being ignored by the world? I feel so helpless…maybe that was why I have come to look upon Touya as my tower of strength and support. 

Yet, I will never let anyone know this. I shall go on being my cheerful self in the hopes that one day, I can abandon this lonely simulacrum of me. 

Yes. My cheerfulness is only a façade, something I use to mask my emotions. 

**"Yukito san, what are you thinking? You look so solemn" ** Nakuru asks me, a rare gesture. 

I look up, a trifle surprised. Why, she usually ignored me, and yet she is studying me with acute interest now. Her usually sparkling hazel eyes now flicker with a new kind of emotion I have never seen before. 

I just smile and continue pedaling. Nakuru would never understand. She was usually so happy-go-lucky and jovial, she would never know the bitter taste of loneliness. 

Never in a million years… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

That afternoon found me sitting under the shade of one of the lovely fir trees near the school compound. I stretch out my right hand to catch one of the falling leaves as a gust of wind rustled the trees. It falls right into my hand, a glorious shade of golden orange that heralded the forthcoming of autumn. 

**"Yukito, where's Touya kun?"**

I look to my right to see Nakuru approaching. She had a knack for being able to walk with footsteps that resembled a kitten, she walks quietly. 

**"Oh, he's having his basketball practice now."** I nod at her. 

**"Oh?"**

There was a long silence that reigned after that. I guess both of us just could not foster that chemistry. Just then, a white dove swooped low and perched on a small twinge just right before us, twittering sweetly. 

Nakuru leans over to it and delicately pats the dove. 

The dove does not fly away in fright, which struck me as unusual. 

The she picks up the dove, letting it nestle comfortably in her cupped hands. Stroking the dove's head gently, Nakuru brought it close to her face and kissed it. 

What a beautiful scene, seemingly depicting maternal love……a love I have never had…… 

**"Come, Yukito. Hold it, it's sweet!" ** Nakuru holds out her cupped hands to me, the dove still comfortably seated there. 

**"All right." ** I lean forward. 

Nakuru hands the bird over to me, delicately placing it on my outstretched palms. Her fingers brush against mine for an instant and I am surprised to see a tinge of pink manifest itself on her cheeks. Yet, in that timeframe when we made physical contact, even though so short, I feel a strange sensation writhing in my veins. There is this feeling of a propulsion within me, as if something did not quite fit. It is as if I feel another foreign matter entering me, one that my body resists against. 

I know it sounds incomprehensively unbelievable. 

Yet, this is truly the feeling I get. 

I gaze at the dove in my hands now and tickle it. Its body felt so warm and soft. 

Nakuru is watching me now. 

I can feel it. 

This attention that she rivets on me, I find it rather unnerving actually. I look at her and smile sweetly, but stop when I see that she seemed to have something to ask me. 

**"Will you be coming tonight?" **She asks me. 

It was a simple question. Yet, the answer to it…it was not that easy. For one thing, I did not know she was talking about. Secondly, I feel that she was not directing the question at me. 

Another entity in me stirs. 

_Yue…_

Honestly, I am unable to comprehend what Yue is thinking. He is far more powerful than me and seemingly, he knows all about me. I only know he exists, but I could never feel him in me unless he feels like making his presence felt. Therefore, I knew nothing of him, absolutely nothing. My body temperature falls and I suddenly feel a little cold. This is a sure sign that Yue is responding, though not too much. 

Why did Yue respond to Nakuru? 

I am puzzled. 

"I'll be waiting for you, Yue." Nakuru leaves soon after, skipping away a trifle too cheerfully. 

Actually, I could not hear what Nakuru said before she left. She seems to speak right through me, trying to send a message to something else in me. I see her lips moving but I hear no coherent words. I sighed. Maybe I was really far too exhausted. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

That night, I stayed overnight at the Kinomoto's residence. Touya and I were supposed to study for our upcoming test. Touya goes into the kitchen to prepare some beverage and waves for me to go into his room, though not without giving me a smile first. The house seemed relatively quiet. I think Fujitaka-san must be away at one of his missions again. 

I trudge up the stairs and was greeted by a corridor with three rooms on either side. Proceeding towards Touya's room, I was about to turn the silver doorknob when I was halted by a muffled cry emanating from the next room. 

_Sakura!_

I rush into Sakura's room to see that she was in bed, but was not looking all that comfortable. In fact, there was a petrified expression frozen on those sweet delicate facial features. Kneeling down beside her bed, I softly stroked Sakura's auburn tresses, gently calling out her name in a bid to awaken her. Poor girl, she must be having a nightmare. 

Suddenly, she opens her eyes. Those beautiful emerald eyes were transfixed with such terror and fear. It broke my heart to see her so frightened. She hugs me, crying hard. 

**"Yue-san, no, don't leave me Yue-san!"**

My body temperature plunges about 20 degrees lower and darkness is all I see before I descend into the realm of unconsciousness. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

**"Mistress, what's the matter?" ** I asked her trying to calm her down. 

It seems to be to no avail as she only clings on to me all the more. It is in situations like this that makes me feel so helpless. Clow Reed never cried, and so I never had to worry upon the fact that I had to console him when he was feeling scared or worried. It had never dawned on me that being a Guardian meant that I had to be a good counselor too and Clow had never cast any light on that either. I am very bad at consoling people. 

Now, Sakura leans against me, sobbing. 

**"Yue-san, in my dream, you wanted to leave me." ** She peers up at me out of those tears filled eyes. 

I lift my fingers to her eyes and gently wipe the tears away. When I spoke next, I was looking straight into those emerald eyes and speaking in a hypnotic undertone. 

**"But it was just a dream, Sakura. And dreams aren't real."** I know my voice sounds dreamy to her, as if echoed from a distant place. 

She is in a slight trance now. Her emerald eyes are glassy yet she summons up the rest of her consciousness to speak to me. 

**"No, Yue-san, this dream, it is just like all those other dreams I had. It shows me…the…future….."**

Sakura goes back to sleep then. The future? I am surprised at how easily I dismiss Sakura's dream. I laughed a cold laugh. 

Who knew what the future promised? 

My mind brings me back to the past. I feel a sharp pain in my chest as I recalled Clow and the memories that were stringed along with it. 

_I was a young lad then, innocent and naïve. I lived a normal childhood, with Clow Reed raising and nurturing me just like I was his own son. At that point of time, I must say I was an extrovert. I made friends easily and chatted readily enough with just anyone. I learnt all forms of martial arts, mastered a myraid of musical instruments, grasped and understood many esoteric methods of meditation, all under the unwavering guidance of Clow. I thought the world of him and he, he was just like any proud father._   
__   
_Of course, I wondered why my hair was all silvery and that Clow's was raven black. Many a times, I had pondered over who m_y biolo_gical mother was but each time I asked Clow, he only gave me a mysterious smile._

_I was intrigued. Yet, I never pressed him for an answer._

_Soon, not long after, Clow brought home a winged stuffed bear that could actually speak. I looked upon it with wonder as it introduced itself as Keroberus.___

_No doubt Keroberus instilled much color into my life then, for his wild exuberance never fails to lift my spirits. It seemed the most natural thing then, for keroberus and I to become best friends.___

_When I was twenty years old, I fell in love with a sweet young girl who lived next door._

_I think Clow knew it._

_Perhaps, he could see it in me. How I was so much more energetic each day, how I walked with a new kind of spring in my footsteps, how happiness and euphoria was expressed on my face. I was going out with that girl every day. She who was of raven black hair, of the kindest azure eyes, and she who was of the most forgiving soul. It all started when I heard her playing a piano piece she had composed when I was passing her house one day. I fell in love with the piano piece straightaway. It spoke volumes of loneliness, sadness and a lost love._

_Yet, the song, it was never played to the last bar._

_The girl told me that she did not know how to end this little song of hers. I merely smiled and reassured her that she would complete it…one day._

_And so we met everyday. I was becoming more and more attracted to her. Each time I gazed into her eyes, I see something new about her. Those azure eyes, they seemed to manifest an infinite abyss of warm emotions. Yet, I still can always sense the lingering presence of that unspoken sorrow. True, time can alleviate sufferings and sorrow to a certain extent. Yet, one never recovers completely._

_I wanted to be the one to share her sadness, I wanted to be the one to comfort her, and most importantly...I wanted to be the one to help her forget her grief._

_There is this buring desire in me to be with her...forever. I believed I was going to propose to her soon._

_Yet, we never knew the ordeal that would descend upon us. It was that fateful day…_

**"Yue?"**

Reality snatches me back from the past as I struggle to remember where I was supposed to be. 

**"Yue?" Touya called a little softly.**

**"Oh? I'm all right. Sakura just had a nightmare."**

I set my eyes upon that sweet angelic face. A child my Mistress is, but yet, I can feel the strength of her soul. It flares and burns like an inferno, fueled by her innermost desire to protect those around her. No, I do not dislike her. In fact…I believe I am slowly starting to like her. In my soul, there rages a desire to protect her at all costs. It was never like this with Clow Reed. 

Lowering my head to look at Sakura who was still resting in my arms, I raised my hand to touch her right cheek gently. 

There and then, I made a slient vow to myself. 

_I will never leave Sakura……never._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I change back into my spurious form and it is in this form that I use to study together with Touya. 

Yet, it is long after Touya drifts off to sleep that I emerge again as the Guardian. I cast a glance at Touya, watching him breath evenly and peacefully. Leaning close to him, I whisper something into his ear. It was a spell to let him have sweet dreams. Yes, I definitely feel something for my Mistress's brother. That "something" is always haunting me. It stabs me sharply each time Touya is around Yukito. 

What a joke. I was jealous of my false form. How ironic that my false form is still me. 

And yet, I can never take the place of my spurious form. 

Never. 

Without further hesitation, I spread out my wings and made off in the direction of the one place on Earth that offered me the comfort I so needed... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Disclaimer: All characters featured in this fic are copyright of Clamp. 

Please review.^_^ I am still kinda nervous about this chapter cos I made some slight alterations to it. Sorry to readers who have already read it. 

  



	4. Sayonara: The Past Untold

Do you believe in the soul-mate theory

Sayonara

~The Past Untold~

Lonely nights, shattered dreams….   
Nights interwoven with yarns of solitary…   
Dreams festooned with its unfinished stories… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Do you believe in the soul-mate theory? 

The theory stipulates that a person will find that special "someone" someday. That irregardless of the number of times one reincarnates, he or she will always be connected to that "soul mate" in one way or another. Such soul-mate relationships can transcend all time and distance, all age and dimensions. Communication between soul mates proceeds in a fashion endowed with a divine grace rather than initiated by the two persons themselves. 

Honestly, I did vest my belief in it. 

Once….long ago. 

Not now though. The cruel hand Fate had dealt me had tore up every shred of that belief into pieces. I now seriously doubt the possibility of Fate ever letting me find a soul mate again. 

_Soul mates?_

I laughed at myself. To think I had been naïve enough to think that Fate had been so kind to me. That I had truly found one I could call my "soul-mate". Of course, Fate had to separate **Her**, my first love, from me through the ingenious use of the thin line that separates humanity and magical beings. 

_**"She"** was a human._

_I was not._

That made all the difference…a goodbye to a love never meant to be… 

**"Yue? You're here." **A sweet feminine voices calls out to me. A tiny sigh of relief escapes the owner. 

I tilt sideways slightly to see a pretty teenager with silky russet tresses that flew out behind her as a gentle wind breezed through the frigid night air. Donning a light blue short dress, some intricate anklets and a silver necklace, Rubymoon would have looked like any regular sweet girl. 

Yet, Rubymoon is no teenager, she is like me, a magical being who had lived decades without aging, forever remaining youthful. 

She sits down in a lady-like fashion on a tuff of grass nearby. I am slightly aware of the fact that she is a trifle tensed. She seems to have a phobia of coming within a certain radius of where I sat. 

Strange. 

Yet, then again, why should I even care? 

I nod briefly at her and return to my own introspection, losing myself in my own train of thoughts. However, I find my thoughts wandering… 

It is puzzling why I have instinctively viewed Rubymoon as a "she" in my mind's eye. I glance over at her, watching her sniff delicately at a white flower. Perhaps it was in the way she often carried herself. It was apparent that Rubymoon enjoyed being a girl…perhaps to get closer to Touya… 

I shook my head a little to dismiss all thoughts of the person who have somehow managed to leave an impact on my life. 

My life, and Yukito's life… 

Touya san…how much like Clow he was… 

The kindness with which he regards people, the gentleness accompanied with his every gesture, and most of all, the warmness of his soul, it manifests themselves in his eyes whenever he looks at Yukito. Though I would never admit it, I confess that I long for such a friend. Yet…he is Yukito's friend…Yukito's _soulmate_… 

But…never mine. 

**"Yue? You're still thinking of Touya?" Rubymoon asked me.**

Startled, I look over at her, a trifle bewildered. Had she been reading my mind? I do not answer her though. Even if what Rubymoon had queried me was true, there was no need for me to let her in on my thoughts. I increased the intensity of my psychic shield. I never liked to share my feelings and thoughts with others. Of course, it was different in the past when I was much younger. 

_When I thought I was a human._

**"Yue…have you ever fallen in…love?"**

Love? The word does strike a chord in me. Yet, I find it rather foreign now. As if, I have forgotten what it truly encompasses now. I glance over at Rubymoon, sighing a little. She has been asking me strange things tonight, rather sensitive issues, I would say. It strikes me as odd for it has never come across my mind that Rubymoon was such an introspective person. It is, by no means, an insult. After all, she was usually so energetic and always so playful. 

She is looking at me expectantly, her hazel eyes incandescent with curiosity. It is as if she is convinced that I can reveal to her wisdom. Yet, not knowing why, an innate part of me willingly brings down the psychic shield. Perhaps it was because I have had no one else to turn to for decades. Even now, I would never dream of revealing any traces of my past to the Clow Card Mistress nor his brother. As for Keroberus, I have distanced myself away from him for too long a time span. It just did not seem, well, suitable, to confide in him now. 

And I show Rubymoon my past. 

Every bit that I could recall… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

_I was in the garden, trotting up the path leading to the house. Being in an exceptionally cheerful mood, I let myself into the house, all the while humming a cheery little song._

_The house was quiet._

_The heavy red velvet curtains were pulled against the sides of the full-length glass windows. Nearby, a fire in the tastefully decorated fireplace raged merrily._

_Tossing my silver keys onto the low marble coffee-table, I settled myself comfortably onto the plush sofa with its gorgeous lace cushions. It was strange, but I sensed something austere in the atmosphere of the house today. Even with the bright evening sunrays streaming in, there was a feeling of oppression in the house. I looked around cautiously, perhaps for the first time in my life. I have always felt comfortable in this old English house, with its cozy furnishings and the homely feeling it always invokes in me. It puzzles me as to why I feel a trifle alarmed._

_My eyes roam the interior of the house, taking in the sight of the intricately carved banisters of the rosewood stairs, the exquisite picturesque paintings that bestowed the mansion with an aesthetic grace and finally, a crystal grand piano set on an elevated glass platform. The glass platform was of a semi circle shape with glass windows framing the half circumference. I picked myself off the couch, neared the platform and ascended the few glass steps up onto where the piano rested._

_Settling myself onto the piano seat, I lifted the piano cover and slid my fingers over the black and white keys easily. Clow Reed loved this piano too, but it was more of his gift to me when I was 3 years old.___

_I remembered how I had marveled at its shimmering surface, the painstaking crafted crystal edges. I had taken to it straightaway, and delighted, Clow had taught me to play the piano from then on._

_Looking out the glass windows, I find myself starting to play the pieces I loved so long ago. Even the scenery outside looked more cheery in my own perspective, all feelings of gloom and oppression dissipated now as the sweet silvery tones emanated from the piano and filled the house._

_Suddenly, a pair of hands slid over my eyes, and blocked my vision. The tune from the piano halted suddenly as I stopped playing it._

**_"Happy Birthday! You forgot to close the door…" Someone_**_ whispers into my ear softly._

_**Someone** very important to me…my soul mate…_

_"You are still as playful as ever." I tease jokingly and turned around to face **Her**. There **She** was, clad in a sweet blue dress, every bit as endearing as I remember **Her** to be. **Her** ebony hair fell beautifully around her, and her azure eyes was filled with such mischief. Her cheeks were rosy, which looked gorgeous against her peaches and cream complexion. I lifted my hands to cup her face, and she responded by sticking her tongue out. Kissing her cheeks softly, I asked her to play a piano piece for me. Obliging, she took her seat beside me and rested her fingers on the keys._

_Before playing though, **She** looked straight at me, her expression curiously sad. Then, she launched into That song, that unnamed song of sorrow. I lost myself in **Her** song, thoroughly. I feel myself drift into a world, dark and desolate. A world that sought solace with the sad howling of the icy winds. Everything was quiet, still. Despite myself, I shivered. I felt so…alone. Yet, I think I see something in the far distance…the silhouette of a women, her long hair fluttering in the frigid winds…then the vision disappeared. I am brought back to the present, reality. Oh, so **She** had finished the piece._

_My love looks at me, and hands me something. It was a small gift box. **She **beckons to me to open it. Smiling at **Her**, I opened it swiftly to reveal a silver earring with an azure gem embedded in it. The carvings on the silver looked familiar, it was like….well, I couldn't place it, but it did look familiar._

_**She** takes the earring from me and gently puts it on my left ear for me. A little surprised, I lifted my hand to the earring to feel the cool metal against my fingertips. I feel a certain…force field emerging from this earring, it is rather insignificant, but then again, all things that had life will have certain energy associated with it._

_Suddenly, **She** remembers that she had forgotten to bring something over to me from her house. Bustling out of the mansion hurriedly, **She** promises to be back in a while. I chuckled gaily and then proceeded to the front door to follow Her._

**_"Yue? Come into the study please?"_**

_What?_

_…Clow?_

_He was at home? But…why had he remained silent all this while?_

_Not knowing why, I sense that feeling of dread descending upon the entire house again. I had lightened up with **Her **visit…but now, the stark feeling weighs on my heart again. I walked into Clow's magnificent study room, and stood right before his oak desk. It was then that I noticed that Keroberus was on the oak desk too, chomping on a biscuit three times larger than him and decorating the desk with biscuit crumbs. I placed a hand on Keroberus's head and patted him, telling him to try to save his artistic talent for sprinkling his crumbs for someplace more suitable. He grins up at me, in that way which only he could pull off and continues gnawing on his biscuit._

**_"Yue?"_**

_I look up into Clow's face, and gazed into his eyes. Those eyes, filled with such universal wisdom. Indeed, I believed that Clow, was "powerful" in a sense. He had a powerful presence, a strong aura._

_I am very fascinated with "power". I do not talk about power in the material sense, but power in humans, the "energy" that surrounds that entire being, the "aura".And Clow had the brightest aura of all those I knew so far.That meant, to me, that he had great power. Honestly, I knew he practiced magic, and magic increases aura(from what I have gleamed from books on the various schools of sorcery), and from what I have analyzed, to get such a powerful aura like Clow's, one would have to practice magic for a few hundred years._

_Magicians tend to be able to live longer and can retain their youthful looks. Deep down, I wondered how it felt like to be able to live much longer than most humans and to watch the world and humans change. Maybe…it would be far too lonely for me to bear, and maybe that was why Clow did not educate me in magic._

_Now, Clow looked at me, his usually kind eyes a trifle sad. He noticed the earring in my left ear and said something that would haunt me for years to come._

**_"It is time. The truth of Destiny shall set forth."_**

_What? I did not understand him, but these words sent a chill down my spine. From beneath his magnificent cloak, Clow brought out an earring similar in design to mine only that it was a garnet inset in it. This, he placed on Keroberus's ear. Surprised, Keroberus stopped chewing on his biscuit for a while and looked up at Clow, seeking an explanation. Yet, Clow never spoke, he only looked at us fondly, a father's unwavering concern interweaved in that gaze he gave both of us._

**_"Yue? Before I reveal the truth, please believe me when I say that I never expected thing to turn out this way. All things on Earth have their own place, it is not right that creatures of different levels have far too much interaction with each other."_**

_I was speechless. Clow was making me baffled, what did he mean when he said "creatures of different levels"? Yet, he still wears that sad expression._

**_"You will understand soon, Yue, Keroberus."_**

_Keroberus and I exchanged a solemn glance. We both understood that something significant was going to take place very soon. Something…that might change our lives forever._

**_"Awaken, the magical creatures of the Sun and Luna. Spread your magnificent wings. Vak."_**

_Vak? I recognized this word. It was an old Sanskrit word that reminds every living creature of its true essence and its purpose for being created._

_At the mention of this word, I suddenly felt something unusual in my body. There is this sudden surge of energy in me. It feels my entire entity and induces a certain kind of pain in me. This pain is tormenting, for it seems to affect every part of me, and yet, the thing is, I am unable to scream. Try as I might, I open my mouth to produce no sound._

_I covered my face with my hands and squeezed my eyes shut. I prayed that whatever this pain may be, it shall leave me soon. My veins scream out, my lungs try to squeeze in another lungful of breath, my heart works far harder than it had ever worked. I am losing my consciousness, I realize.___

_The world is getting dark.___

_I rear my head to look at Keroberus, but saw instead a golden creature resembling a lion with a garnet earring near the oak desk. I tried to make sense of it, but could not in this state.___

_At last, after struggling for many antagonizing moments, I surrendered myself to the Darkness._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

**"Yue?" **A voice that sounded very distant called to me. 

Startled, I looked up to see Rubymoon glazing at me with such concern in her eyes. 

Were guardians supposed to feel? I did not know. 

**"Yue, when I was first summoned by Eriol, it took less than a few seconds for my transformation. Why did your transformation take so long? Even Keroberus had changed long before you." **Rubymoon looked at me curiously. 

**"Because…"** I almost choked on my words. It was as if I feel** Her** watching me now. It is strange, but I remember **Her **even now, even after countless decades. The times we sat together on our favorite swing, when **She** was knitting a scarf for me, when we played the piano together. 

Rubymoon gazes at me with child like innocence. Rubymoon's innocence...it reminds me so much of **Her**. I looked away, for I could not speak. Emotions, they were catching up with me. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

**_"Because you hold on too much to your mortal life. Yue, You were a magical being, right from the start. Look at yourself now, see how you have changed." _Clow's voice was gentle, as if he was consoling me.**

_I remember myself looking away. I had just questioned Clow angrily why he had made me change to this form. I had been happy as a mortal and if possible, I wanted none of this power. I only wanted to be with Her.___

_In the time frame that I had transformed, I have understood everything completely. Firstly, Clow was not my father but my Master. He was the most powerful of magicians of his time and that he was the one who had "created" me. So…I was not a creation of Nature, but something artificial._

_Secondly, I realize that I am quickly losing all feelings of happiness, sadness, and my memories…___

_I clutch at my chest now, willing my heart to feel. In my head replayed memories of the past, my childhood, my love. Yet, slowly but surely, I lose the emotions associated with each and every of the significant moments in my life. I watch the mental picture of Clow hugging me as a child with detachment, feeling as though the child was another person._

**_"Why are you doing this to me?" The part of me that still had emotions screamed out to Clow._**

_Anything! Anything to stop this!_

**_"Forget all that might harm you in the end. I apologize, but I am unable to selectively eradicate some of your emotions. I have to erase all. Yue, you do understand that you cannot fall in love with a human? Friendship, yes. But not and never love." Clow looked tired._**__

_I turned away to face the door, which was wide open. There, just outside, I saw a very familiar petite figure. It was **Her**. **She** looked surprised to see me, but who wouldn't? I though bitterly. With wings like these, and such unbelievably long silver hair.___

_**She** steps into the study, faintly nodding at Clow, and then stands right before me. Clow gets up to excuse himself, saying that he'll give us some private moments. The lion, assumingly Keroberus, gets up and follows Clow out of the study.___

_When we were really alone, **She** gazed deep into my eyes. She was not very tall, coming up to only my shoulders, and yet, her gaze held a certain kind of power. Those azure eyes, which have had me mesmerized and still does captivate me now, questions me. I see the reflection of my own eyes in hers, silvery violet, catlike, and almost devoid of emotions. Unable to bear it any more, I hug **Her**, drawing her into my tight embrace. I bury my face in her ebony hair, and ran my fingers through the silky strands. I was so afraid of losing **Her** memories, losing **Her**._

**_"I am sorry…I deceived you. I am no human." I say to her softly._**__

_She looks up at me, placing both of her delicate hands on either side of my face. They felt so comfortingly warm.___

**_"I chose to be with you, Yue. No matter what you are, I will still…love you." She speaks to me with great sincerity._**__

**_"But…I am slowly losing my emotions. I may forget you soon." I am in abysmal sadness._**__

_To think that I will not be able to reciprocate her love soon…When my transformation nears its end, I will forget my love for her.___

_I am the unforgiven…___

_She merely smiled, a sad smile it was. Then she led me out into the living room. Clow and Keroberus were nowhere in sight. I assumed they were on the second storey of the house.___

_Steering me towards the piano, She made me sit down on the piano seat. Then she came back with a small potted plant.___

**_"This is called the Queen Of The Night. Now, watch the white bud carefully." She said with such untold serenity._**__

_I watched the white bud slowly blossom into a beautiful white flower. Yet, what was more heavenly about this flower was the scent it gave out when blossoming. The scent…the fragrance was like nothing I have ever experienced. It tinged the air with a heavy flowery perfume. Soft rays of moonlight streaming in from the glass windows played off the petals of the flower, making the flower glow enchantingly.___

_A trifle sad, I looked out of the glass windows to see the moon. Night had descended, swiftly. Without so much as a rustling, it took my breath away.___

**_"This flower blooms only at night and withers away after full bloom. The joy from seeing it may be short lived, and yet, the scent, it is remembered forever. It is the same with us. Our happiness may be short lived, but I will remember it forever. Remember this scent, and remember me. My Yue. We will meet again, perhaps in another life-time. Now, go to Clow-san. I believe he has something important to discuss with you."_**__

_In another life-time? What did she know that I did not? Why was she so convinced that we would never meet again?___

**_"Do not ask, my Yue. I can sense many things"._**__

_She hugs me one last time. It is the most painful moment in all my twenty years of life. To know that departure from her is near, and yet…here I am, still struggling for time, for her memories. I know I have hurt her, she might remember me forever.___

_And yet, I will treat her like a stranger soon.___

_Soon…___

_I looked over at the Queen Of The Night, it's petals fully open to its ultimate glory.___

**_"I will remember you, my love. And your Song, I shall remember it too. " I reach out to touch Her cheeks. She too, smells like the heavenly fragrance of the flower._**__

_I kiss her then, softly on the lips, and she is gone. **She** bids a farewell and turns to go out of the house. No backwards glances, we both have promised. I know she was trying hard to lock in the tears. It is then, that I realized what her Song meant.___

_A lost love.___

_Sayonara...___

_I wondered…if all these would have happened if I did not have this earring? I reached up to touch the metal.___

_No, it would still occur. It was just a matter of time.___

_It was Fate.___

_That I should meet her was Fate. That she should be the one who brought the earring to me was Fate. That we should part was Fate too.___

_I felt a void in my heart, and realized that it was caused by **Her** departure.___

_I have just lost a very important part of me, my soul mate. Will I really ever see **Her** again? A part of me had died.___

_I am the Unforgiven.___

_Yet, Fate decides to play another joke on me.___

_Another cruel joke…___

**_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_**

To be continued…. 

****


	5. Choices

**Choices**

_Glazing at you from the eyes of another_

_I realise that I wanted no other..._

* * *

"Argh, I can't believe I forgot to study for this part of the examination!" Yukito silently chided himself as he resolved to attack the last question on his examination answer script. 

_Worry not. I can answer those questions. Just write down whatever I say._

"Yue.......!" Yukito perked up, shocked at Yue's sudden appearance in his mind. Yue seldom did that.

_All right. Write this to the question on Pharaohs. The Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt was not only a god-king but was responsible for holding the balance of ma'at, that was the rule of order over the chaos that was waiting to envelope the world. Believed to be the reincarnation of God, the Pharaohs command great respect from the people in their lands. _

"Thank you." Yukito mutters under his breath as he quickly wrote all Yue had said down, then sighed in relief as the bell indicating the end of the examinations rang.

Numbly, Yukito stood up and gathered his stationary. He was completely exhausted and wished to get home as soon as possible to rest. Nowadays, it seemed that he was getting tired more and more easily.

Many things tired him out.

* * *

"I sense a strange force coming. It is getting stronger and stronger." The small cloaked figure at the tall french window says. 

Rubymoon glanced at her Master who was standing at window, and for the first time, noticed no hint of mischief in his voice. Why, Eriol was usually delighted with Clow Cards appearing so that Sakura could fight them.

"Why would you be worried, we will be watching her and cheering her on in silence, like we always do." Rubymoon remarked casually and playfully.

Eriol turned around to face her and Spinel, who was lazing on the luxurious arm-chair in the far recesses of the room. "The problem is, this force is more powerful than me. It can't be one of the Clow Cards." Eriol admitted grimly.

"WHAT?! Eriol sama, you are the greatest magician of all time! How could this unknown thing be more powerful than you!" Rubymoon exclaimed in disbelief.

Sighing, Eriol turned back towards the skies, to gaze upon the far away stars.

"Because it has God-like powers." was all he said.

* * *

_That night, I could not rest. I could only think of my past, that past that was so cruelly torn away from me. Through the eyes of Yukito, I gaze out at the heavenly moon outside. _

_The Lunar always bestows me with tranquility and gives me more strength. _

_I recall my youth, and wonder if I would ever get to see HER again?_

_Suddenly, I hear the trickle of footsteps down the garden path. A slender form suddenly pops up in front of the window! For the life of me, I was shocked, although I tried to appear reserved. But then again, who would know, I am residing in Yukito's body after all._

_"Yue!" The slender form calls out. It is dark, and by virtue of the moonlight rays, I could only see long hair flowing out from behind the form._

_Not knowing why, I just transformed on hearing that voice._

_"Oh, its Rubymoon." I calmly accepted the fact that she had frightened me so suddenly._

_In my true form, my eyesight far surpasses that of what I see of the world through human eyes. I see in the dark easily._

_Unconsciously, my eyes rested on Rubymoon's delicate face._

_Beautiful eyes twinkling, her strands of silky hair whip out behind her, such a wonderful sight to behold, as though they were heralding a Queen. She stands, enframed by the copper gold metal of the window sills, as though the final masterpiece painting of a brilliant artist._

_And there existed such a feeling as I stared entranced at Rubymoon...that perhaps...just perhaps..._

_It was HER..._


End file.
